本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛3 relationship tips that make you a happy couple
发布: 2019年3月22日 |来源: Bob Mok
http://chinesenewsgroup.com/news/666287
今年是我结婚44周年。多年来，在许多场合，我被问及为何我的婚姻没有出问题。许多朋友想知道他们该如何保持婚姻或维持长期的夫妻关系。他们问我这个问题，全因为我有一个良好的婚姻记录。
This year will mark my marriage for the forty-fourth year. Over this long period, I have been asked how to maintain a long-term relationship on many occasions. Many friends want to know how they can keep a marriage or sustain a long-term relationship. They turned to people like me strictly based on my track record.
直到大约二十年前，我才得以回答朋友们的这个问题。在一次办公会议取消后，大多数与会者均离开了，只有四人留下。三位同事和我自己的婚姻时间加起来超过一百年。我们没有离开会议室只是因为我们在半小时后还要在这会议室开下一个会议。
I did not have answers for my friends until about twenty years ago. After a meeting was cancelled at the office and most of the attendees left, four people stayed behind. Three colleagues and myself had a combined total of over a hundred years of marriage experience were simply waiting for the start of another meeting in that same room scheduled for half an hour later.
我们探讨的话题最后集中在如何维持一个婚姻或夫妻关系。我们没有白费脑筋，讨论了婚姻和夫妻关系的各种因素，并总结了三个最重要的因素。现在我与你们分享。
We ended up brainstorming for answers to a successful marriage or relationship. Our efforts that day were not wasted. We looked at many factors and arrived at three of the most important ones. I will now share them with you:
1）永远不要试图改变伴侣的习惯，即使伴侣自愿提出改变他/她的习惯。以经典的“戒烟”为例 - 我见过很多人承诺在婚后戒烟或被配偶要求并同意戒烟。猜猜大多数情况下会发生什么？吸烟者继续吸烟，结果搞得配偶很不愉快！
1) Never try to change your partner's habits, even if the partner voluntarily offered to change his/her habits. Take the classical case of “quit smoking” – I have seen many people promising to quit smoking after marriage or being asked and agreed to quit smoking by a partner. Guess what happens in most if not all of the cases? The smoker keeps on smoking and living with an unhappy partner!
这里所说的习惯也可以是许多其他的东西，如钓鱼，运动，购物，每周找几个晚上和哥们一起喝酒。实际上，习惯还涵盖了与自己的配偶根本不感兴趣的活动。
Habits can also be many other things – fishing, sports, shopping, hanging out drinking with friends a few nights a week. In fact, it also covers any activities that is not shared with the other partner.
我们必须意识到并非每对夫妇都会有共同的爱好。有时，夫妻的活动完全不同。他们仍然希望让大多数朋友参与自己所喜欢的活动。
We must realize that not every couple will have a totally matching list of activities. Sometimes, couples have entirely different activities. They still want to keep most of their friends involved in their preferred activities.
限制或抱怨伴侣的习惯会给关系带来摩擦。如果你在婚前知道对方的这些爱好，那么为什么不接受它们。快乐的伴侣是幸福关系的关键。
Restricting or complaining about the partner's habits will bring friction to a relationship. If you know all about these activities before the marriage then why not accept them as they are. A happy partner is the key to a happy relationship.
2）永远知道“底线”的在哪。这是夫妻一方所能承受的最大限度。这些“底线”会随时改变。因此，夫妻的一方始终明白这些容忍度及底线是非常重要的。
2)Know where the “line” is – this is the line of maximum tolerance. These lines are not fixed and can be changed from time-to-time. It is therefore very important for each partner to know where these tolerance lines and their limits are all the time.
举例来说，你对近亲，朋友或陌生人的评论或行为是否过分？还记得你最后一次说配偶父母的那些坏话吗？你有无喝了太多酒之后与某人打情骂俏？在街上或派对上，你能否把目光从一些有魅力的男人或女孩身上移开？
One example of these would be comments or behaviour applied to close relatives, friends, or strangers. Remember the last time you say something bad about your partner's parents? The last time you were flirting with someone after you have one too many drinks? The many times you cannot keep your eyes off some attractive guy or girl on the street or at a party?
3）一个巴掌拍不响，永远不要提“离婚”这两个词。当一个夫妻中的一个向另一个怒吼“我要和你离婚”时，被吼的一方不要用“我也是”来还击！
3) Never join in a “breakup” proposal – it takes two hands to clap. When one partner makes a statement in a feat of rage like “I want to divorce you”, never reply “Me too”!
除非是因为有一方婚外情，夫妻吵架都是因为一方突破了底线，失去了逻辑思维。在这种情况下，夫妻当中的一人需要冷静下来，离开现场，以防止婚姻彻底破裂，而这种情况下的婚姻破裂在双方冷静下来后都会后悔。
Unless there are external factors involved such as adultery, most of these statements are made when the tolerance line is crossed, and it is a lapse in the speaker's logical mind. One partner needs to cool off and walk away from the scene to prevent that final blow to a relationship that both will regret later when everything cools down.
当然，夫妻之间可以做许多事来改善婚姻关系并保持婚姻数十年。即使我们已经完成了上述所有工作，也有一些外部因素仍可能伤害或破坏婚姻。家庭财政状况出问题会给婚姻带来危机，因为这是一个每天让人头疼的问题，而这一问题不是轻而易举就可解决的。
Of course, there are many other things that a couple can do to improve on a relationship and keep it alive for decades. There are also external factors that can still hurt or destroy a relationship even we have done all of the above. Financial problems can also rock a relationship as it is an on-going issue that will not go away easily.
保持婚姻不破裂不是一件容易的事。夫妻双方都必须努力并充分了解对方。夫妻必须容忍对方的坏习惯。我有一个很好的妻子，我想永远和她在一起。
Keeping a marriage intact is not an easy task. Both partners have to be dedicated to the union and know each other well. They have to be tolerant with each other's occasional bad behaviours. I have a good partner and I want to keep her forever.更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
发布: 2019年3月22日 |来源: Bob Mok
http://chinesenewsgroup.com/news/666287
今年是我结婚44周年。多年来，在许多场合，我被问及为何我的婚姻没有出问题。许多朋友想知道他们该如何保持婚姻或维持长期的夫妻关系。他们问我这个问题，全因为我有一个良好的婚姻记录。
This year will mark my marriage for the forty-fourth year. Over this long period, I have been asked how to maintain a long-term relationship on many occasions. Many friends want to know how they can keep a marriage or sustain a long-term relationship. They turned to people like me strictly based on my track record.
直到大约二十年前，我才得以回答朋友们的这个问题。在一次办公会议取消后，大多数与会者均离开了，只有四人留下。三位同事和我自己的婚姻时间加起来超过一百年。我们没有离开会议室只是因为我们在半小时后还要在这会议室开下一个会议。
I did not have answers for my friends until about twenty years ago. After a meeting was cancelled at the office and most of the attendees left, four people stayed behind. Three colleagues and myself had a combined total of over a hundred years of marriage experience were simply waiting for the start of another meeting in that same room scheduled for half an hour later.
我们探讨的话题最后集中在如何维持一个婚姻或夫妻关系。我们没有白费脑筋，讨论了婚姻和夫妻关系的各种因素，并总结了三个最重要的因素。现在我与你们分享。
We ended up brainstorming for answers to a successful marriage or relationship. Our efforts that day were not wasted. We looked at many factors and arrived at three of the most important ones. I will now share them with you:
1）永远不要试图改变伴侣的习惯，即使伴侣自愿提出改变他/她的习惯。以经典的“戒烟”为例 - 我见过很多人承诺在婚后戒烟或被配偶要求并同意戒烟。猜猜大多数情况下会发生什么？吸烟者继续吸烟，结果搞得配偶很不愉快！
1) Never try to change your partner's habits, even if the partner voluntarily offered to change his/her habits. Take the classical case of “quit smoking” – I have seen many people promising to quit smoking after marriage or being asked and agreed to quit smoking by a partner. Guess what happens in most if not all of the cases? The smoker keeps on smoking and living with an unhappy partner!
这里所说的习惯也可以是许多其他的东西，如钓鱼，运动，购物，每周找几个晚上和哥们一起喝酒。实际上，习惯还涵盖了与自己的配偶根本不感兴趣的活动。
Habits can also be many other things – fishing, sports, shopping, hanging out drinking with friends a few nights a week. In fact, it also covers any activities that is not shared with the other partner.
我们必须意识到并非每对夫妇都会有共同的爱好。有时，夫妻的活动完全不同。他们仍然希望让大多数朋友参与自己所喜欢的活动。
We must realize that not every couple will have a totally matching list of activities. Sometimes, couples have entirely different activities. They still want to keep most of their friends involved in their preferred activities.
限制或抱怨伴侣的习惯会给关系带来摩擦。如果你在婚前知道对方的这些爱好，那么为什么不接受它们。快乐的伴侣是幸福关系的关键。
Restricting or complaining about the partner's habits will bring friction to a relationship. If you know all about these activities before the marriage then why not accept them as they are. A happy partner is the key to a happy relationship.
2）永远知道“底线”的在哪。这是夫妻一方所能承受的最大限度。这些“底线”会随时改变。因此，夫妻的一方始终明白这些容忍度及底线是非常重要的。
2)Know where the “line” is – this is the line of maximum tolerance. These lines are not fixed and can be changed from time-to-time. It is therefore very important for each partner to know where these tolerance lines and their limits are all the time.
举例来说，你对近亲，朋友或陌生人的评论或行为是否过分？还记得你最后一次说配偶父母的那些坏话吗？你有无喝了太多酒之后与某人打情骂俏？在街上或派对上，你能否把目光从一些有魅力的男人或女孩身上移开？
One example of these would be comments or behaviour applied to close relatives, friends, or strangers. Remember the last time you say something bad about your partner's parents? The last time you were flirting with someone after you have one too many drinks? The many times you cannot keep your eyes off some attractive guy or girl on the street or at a party?
3）一个巴掌拍不响，永远不要提“离婚”这两个词。当一个夫妻中的一个向另一个怒吼“我要和你离婚”时，被吼的一方不要用“我也是”来还击！
3) Never join in a “breakup” proposal – it takes two hands to clap. When one partner makes a statement in a feat of rage like “I want to divorce you”, never reply “Me too”!
除非是因为有一方婚外情，夫妻吵架都是因为一方突破了底线，失去了逻辑思维。在这种情况下，夫妻当中的一人需要冷静下来，离开现场，以防止婚姻彻底破裂，而这种情况下的婚姻破裂在双方冷静下来后都会后悔。
Unless there are external factors involved such as adultery, most of these statements are made when the tolerance line is crossed, and it is a lapse in the speaker's logical mind. One partner needs to cool off and walk away from the scene to prevent that final blow to a relationship that both will regret later when everything cools down.
当然，夫妻之间可以做许多事来改善婚姻关系并保持婚姻数十年。即使我们已经完成了上述所有工作，也有一些外部因素仍可能伤害或破坏婚姻。家庭财政状况出问题会给婚姻带来危机，因为这是一个每天让人头疼的问题，而这一问题不是轻而易举就可解决的。
Of course, there are many other things that a couple can do to improve on a relationship and keep it alive for decades. There are also external factors that can still hurt or destroy a relationship even we have done all of the above. Financial problems can also rock a relationship as it is an on-going issue that will not go away easily.
保持婚姻不破裂不是一件容易的事。夫妻双方都必须努力并充分了解对方。夫妻必须容忍对方的坏习惯。我有一个很好的妻子，我想永远和她在一起。
Keeping a marriage intact is not an easy task. Both partners have to be dedicated to the union and know each other well. They have to be tolerant with each other's occasional bad behaviours. I have a good partner and I want to keep her forever.更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net