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如果这里有5个以上的人能坚持看完这篇东东,而且还能笑得出来。那就算我没白贴。

本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
RE: Christmas Party
DATE: December 1
I'm happy to inform you that the company
Christmas Party will take place
on December 23, starting at noon in the banquet
room at Luigi's Open Pit
Barbecue. No-host bar, but plenty of eggnog!
We'll have a small band
playing traditional carols...feel free to sing
along. And don't be
surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa
Claus! A Christmas tree
will be lit at 1:00 P.M. Exchange of gifts among
employees can be done
at that time, however, no gift should be over
$10.00 to make the giving of
gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering
is only for employees!
A special announcement will be made by our CEO at
that time!
Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Patty



*************************************************************************
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 2
RE: Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to
exclude our Jewish employees.
We recognize that Chanukah is an important
holiday which often coincides
with Christmas, though unfortunately not this
year. However, from now on
we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same
policy applies to
employees
who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There
will be no Christmas tree
present. No, Christmas carols sung. We will have
other type of music for
your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Patty


*************************************************************************


FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 3
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of
Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't
sign your name.
I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I
put a sign on a table
that
reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous
anymore. How am I supposed
to handle this? Somebody? Forget about the gifts
exchange, no gifts
exchange
are allowed since the union members feel that
$10.00 is too much money
and
executives believe $10.00 is very little for a
gift. NO GIFTS EXCHANGE
WILL BE ALLOWED.

***********************************************************************
***********************
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
DATE: December 7
RE: Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that
December 20 begins the
Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids
eating and drinking during
daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously,
we can appreciate how a
luncheon this time of year does not accommodate
our Muslim employees'
beliefs. Perhaps Luigi's can hold off on serving
your meal until the end
of the party-the days are so short this time of
year-or else package
everything for take home in little foil swans.
Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of
Overeaters Anonymous to sit
farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant
women will get the table
closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit
with each other.
Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each
will have their own table.
Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay
men's table.
To the person asking permission to cross dress,
no cross dressing allowed
though.
We will have booster seats for short people.
Low-fat food will be
available for those on a diet. We cannot control
the salt used in the
food; we suggest for those people with high blood
problems to taste
first.
There will be fresh fruits as dessert for
Diabetics, the restaurant
cannot
supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!
Did I miss anything?
Patty


*************************************************************************
*
**********************
FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: December 8
RE: Holiday Party
So December 22 marks the Winter Solstice...what
do you expect me to do,
a tap-dance on your heads? Fire regulations at
Luigi's prohibit the
burning
of sage by our "earth-based Goddess-worshiping"
employees, but we'll try
to accommodate your shamanic drumming circle
during the band's breaks.
Okay???

Patty

*************************************************************************
*
*********************

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
To: All Employees
Date: December 9
RE: Holiday Party
People, people, nothing sinister was intended by
having our CEO dress
up like Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of
"Santa" does happen to be
"Satan," there is no evil connotation to our own
"little man in a red
suit.
" It's a tradition, folks, like sugar shock at
Halloween or family
feuds over the thanksgiving turkey or broken
hearts on Valentine's Day.
Could we lighten up? Please????????? Also the
company has changed
their mind in announcing the special announcement
at the gathering.
You will get a notification in the mail sent to
your home.


*************************************************************************

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All #%&$**@ Employees
DATE: December 10
RE: The %#*&^%@*%^Holiday Party
I have no #%&*@*^ idea what the announcement is
all about. What the %#&^!@
do I care...I KNOW WHAT I AM GOING TO
GET!!!!!!!!!!!! You change your
address now and your are dead!!!!!!!!!!!! No more
changes of address will
be allowed in my office. Try to come in and
change your address, I will
have
you hung from the ceiling in the
warehouse!!!!!!!!!!!
Vegetarians!?!?!? I've had it with you people!!!
We're going to keep this
party at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue whether you
like it or not, so you can
sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill
of death," as you so
quaintly
put it, and you'll get your #$%^&*! salad bar,
including hydrophonic
tomatoes.
But you know, they have feelings, too. Tomatoes
scream when you slice
them.
I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream
right now! HA!

I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk
and die you hear
me!!!!!!!!!!!

The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!


*****************************************************************
FROM: Terri Bishop, Acting Human Resources
Director
DATE: December 14
RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty
Lewis a speedy recovery
from her stress-related illness and I'll continue
to forward your cards
to
her at the sanitarium. In the meantime,
management has decided to
cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the
afternoon of the 23rd off
with full pay.
Happy Holidays!更多精彩文章及讨论,请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
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Replies, comments and Discussions:

  • 枫下沙龙 / 休闲娱乐 / 如果这里有5个以上的人能坚持看完这篇东东,而且还能笑得出来。那就算我没白贴。
    本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    TO: All Employees
    RE: Christmas Party
    DATE: December 1
    I'm happy to inform you that the company
    Christmas Party will take place
    on December 23, starting at noon in the banquet
    room at Luigi's Open Pit
    Barbecue. No-host bar, but plenty of eggnog!
    We'll have a small band
    playing traditional carols...feel free to sing
    along. And don't be
    surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa
    Claus! A Christmas tree
    will be lit at 1:00 P.M. Exchange of gifts among
    employees can be done
    at that time, however, no gift should be over
    $10.00 to make the giving of
    gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering
    is only for employees!
    A special announcement will be made by our CEO at
    that time!
    Merry Christmas to you and your family.
    Patty



    *************************************************************************
    FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    TO: All Employees
    DATE: December 2
    RE: Holiday Party
    In no way was yesterday's memo intended to
    exclude our Jewish employees.
    We recognize that Chanukah is an important
    holiday which often coincides
    with Christmas, though unfortunately not this
    year. However, from now on
    we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same
    policy applies to
    employees
    who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There
    will be no Christmas tree
    present. No, Christmas carols sung. We will have
    other type of music for
    your enjoyment.
    Happy now?
    Happy Holidays to you and your family.
    Patty


    *************************************************************************


    FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    TO: All Employees
    DATE: December 3
    RE: Holiday Party

    Regarding the note I received from a member of
    Alcoholics Anonymous
    requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't
    sign your name.
    I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I
    put a sign on a table
    that
    reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous
    anymore. How am I supposed
    to handle this? Somebody? Forget about the gifts
    exchange, no gifts
    exchange
    are allowed since the union members feel that
    $10.00 is too much money
    and
    executives believe $10.00 is very little for a
    gift. NO GIFTS EXCHANGE
    WILL BE ALLOWED.

    ***********************************************************************
    ***********************
    FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    To: All Employees
    DATE: December 7
    RE: Holiday Party
    What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that
    December 20 begins the
    Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids
    eating and drinking during
    daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously,
    we can appreciate how a
    luncheon this time of year does not accommodate
    our Muslim employees'
    beliefs. Perhaps Luigi's can hold off on serving
    your meal until the end
    of the party-the days are so short this time of
    year-or else package
    everything for take home in little foil swans.
    Will that work?

    Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of
    Overeaters Anonymous to sit
    farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant
    women will get the table
    closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit
    with each other.
    Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each
    will have their own table.
    Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay
    men's table.
    To the person asking permission to cross dress,
    no cross dressing allowed
    though.
    We will have booster seats for short people.
    Low-fat food will be
    available for those on a diet. We cannot control
    the salt used in the
    food; we suggest for those people with high blood
    problems to taste
    first.
    There will be fresh fruits as dessert for
    Diabetics, the restaurant
    cannot
    supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!
    Did I miss anything?
    Patty


    *************************************************************************
    *
    **********************
    FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    TO: All Employees
    DATE: December 8
    RE: Holiday Party
    So December 22 marks the Winter Solstice...what
    do you expect me to do,
    a tap-dance on your heads? Fire regulations at
    Luigi's prohibit the
    burning
    of sage by our "earth-based Goddess-worshiping"
    employees, but we'll try
    to accommodate your shamanic drumming circle
    during the band's breaks.
    Okay???

    Patty

    *************************************************************************
    *
    *********************

    FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    To: All Employees
    Date: December 9
    RE: Holiday Party
    People, people, nothing sinister was intended by
    having our CEO dress
    up like Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of
    "Santa" does happen to be
    "Satan," there is no evil connotation to our own
    "little man in a red
    suit.
    " It's a tradition, folks, like sugar shock at
    Halloween or family
    feuds over the thanksgiving turkey or broken
    hearts on Valentine's Day.
    Could we lighten up? Please????????? Also the
    company has changed
    their mind in announcing the special announcement
    at the gathering.
    You will get a notification in the mail sent to
    your home.


    *************************************************************************

    FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
    TO: All #%&$**@ Employees
    DATE: December 10
    RE: The %#*&^%@*%^Holiday Party
    I have no #%&*@*^ idea what the announcement is
    all about. What the %#&^!@
    do I care...I KNOW WHAT I AM GOING TO
    GET!!!!!!!!!!!! You change your
    address now and your are dead!!!!!!!!!!!! No more
    changes of address will
    be allowed in my office. Try to come in and
    change your address, I will
    have
    you hung from the ceiling in the
    warehouse!!!!!!!!!!!
    Vegetarians!?!?!? I've had it with you people!!!
    We're going to keep this
    party at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue whether you
    like it or not, so you can
    sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill
    of death," as you so
    quaintly
    put it, and you'll get your #$%^&*! salad bar,
    including hydrophonic
    tomatoes.
    But you know, they have feelings, too. Tomatoes
    scream when you slice
    them.
    I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream
    right now! HA!

    I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk
    and die you hear
    me!!!!!!!!!!!

    The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!


    *****************************************************************
    FROM: Terri Bishop, Acting Human Resources
    Director
    DATE: December 14
    RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

    I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty
    Lewis a speedy recovery
    from her stress-related illness and I'll continue
    to forward your cards
    to
    her at the sanitarium. In the meantime,
    management has decided to
    cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the
    afternoon of the 23rd off
    with full pay.
    Happy Holidays!更多精彩文章及讨论,请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
    • done. please get us something shorter, thanks.
    • Thank you! It's really funny.... We are living in Canada, right? diversity!
    • haha!
    • what? my english is not so good to get fun from those long awful english, please write some short ones, and let's enjoy with you together
      • it's not awful, but awesome!