本文发表在 rolia.net 枫下论坛Willard Harley, Jr., Ph.D. a Licensed Psychologist and author of, His Needs, Her Needs: Building An Affair-proof Marriage (selling over a million copies) spent years as a frustrated part-time marriage counselor with little success in helping couples.
-----作者是具博士学位的美国注册心理学家Willard Harley, Jr.
He discovered he was not alone in his failure to save marriages -- almost everyone in the marital therapy profession were also failing. Note how he looks around at his fellow professionals success rate in stopping divorce and realizes something…
“In my effort to overcome failure, I made a crucial discovery: I wasn't the only one failing to help couples. Almost everyone else working with me in the clinic was failing as well! My supervisor was failing, the director of the clinic was failing, and so were the other marriage counselors that worked with me.
And then I made the most astonishing discovery of all: Most of the marital experts in America were also failing. It was very difficult to find anyone willing to admit their failure, but when I had access to actual cases, I couldn't find any therapist who could prove their own success or train others to be successful in saving marriages.
-----在他的工作生涯里,他有了个令他自己很吃惊的发现,就是: 大多数美国的婚姻专家的工作都不成功.同时非常难发现一个人会承认自己的失败.....
In fact, I learned that marital therapy had the lowest success rate of any form of therapy - in one study, I read that less than 25% of those surveyed felt that marriage counseling had helped. A higher percentage felt that counseling had done more harm than good."
----他知晓了一个事实,在所有的治疗里,婚姻治疗的成功率是最低的.认为婚姻治疗有帮助的人低于25%,更高一点比率的人认为婚姻谘询坏处比益处大.
According to Dr. Harley, most marriage counseling is HAZARDOUS, not helpful to your marriage. Therapy-based American style marriage counseling (practiced by most marriage counselors) can actually do more HARM than good in your marriage.
----根据 Dr. Harley,大部分的婚姻谘询对你的婚姻其实是有害的,是危险的,给你婚姻带来的坏处大过好处.
Doherty talks about four ways that Marriage Counselors have produced DESTRUCTIVE outcomes in marriages, important, since Doherty's trains marriage counselors for a living.
Four ways marriage counselors do more HARM than good in marriages:
1) By being incompetent
2) By being neutral
3) By pathologizing (telling you why your marriage is ‘sick’)
4) By being overtly undermining (attempting to break up the marriage).
通过以下这四种方法,婚姻谘询顾问实际上是在损害你的婚姻:
1)顾问不合格,不胜任;
2)顾问扮演中立的角色;
3)告诉你,为什么你的婚姻是病态的;
4)试图让婚姻破裂.
Incompetent: In the case of incompetent marriage counselors, the counselor has not been trained to work with couples together. They believe that working with two people is an expanded version of working with one, but it is not.
An individual is easy to listen to, but a battling couple is not. Working with couples requires skill, structure and a very different approach than one-on-one therapy.
婚姻谘询顾问缺乏适当的培训....
Neutral: These marriage counselors, Doherty claims, are not neutral about marriage at all. When a counselor appears to be neutral, but actually takes sides with the more self-oriented spouse, they are undermining the marriage.
“When a counselor uses the language of individual self interests it under cuts the moral commitment that is owed to the marriage.” Doherty states.
婚姻谘询顾问试图扮演中立的角色,实际上却根本不中立.在工作中,和更自我中心的那一个配偶站在一边,这实际就是在破坏婚姻.......
Pathologizing: Pathologizing is when marriage counselors build a case insisting that the couple has a ‘sick’ relationship.
They actually ENCOURAGE couples to get a divorce.
当婚姻谘询顾问坚持这一对的婚姻是一种"病态"的婚姻时,他们实际上是在鼓励离魂.
They say things like, "Why should you hang in there? Why be a victim?”
他们会说这样的话: 为什么还呆在那个婚姻里?为什么要成为那个婚姻的牺牲品.
These marriage counselors make the couple believe that they are being abused, which causes both husband and wife to draw their only conclusion: “If the professional thinks this is over, then I should too.”
这样的婚姻谘询顾问让夫妻相信,他们是在相互虐待,使得夫妻不得不得出一个结论:如果专业人士都认为我们的婚姻应该结束,那我就让它结束吧.
Undermining: While telling couples what they should do is against the code of ethics of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, many therapists still do it.
婚姻谘询顾问告诉夫妻如何去做,是违背美国婚姻和家庭治疗协会的道德公约的.更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net
-----作者是具博士学位的美国注册心理学家Willard Harley, Jr.
He discovered he was not alone in his failure to save marriages -- almost everyone in the marital therapy profession were also failing. Note how he looks around at his fellow professionals success rate in stopping divorce and realizes something…
“In my effort to overcome failure, I made a crucial discovery: I wasn't the only one failing to help couples. Almost everyone else working with me in the clinic was failing as well! My supervisor was failing, the director of the clinic was failing, and so were the other marriage counselors that worked with me.
And then I made the most astonishing discovery of all: Most of the marital experts in America were also failing. It was very difficult to find anyone willing to admit their failure, but when I had access to actual cases, I couldn't find any therapist who could prove their own success or train others to be successful in saving marriages.
-----在他的工作生涯里,他有了个令他自己很吃惊的发现,就是: 大多数美国的婚姻专家的工作都不成功.同时非常难发现一个人会承认自己的失败.....
In fact, I learned that marital therapy had the lowest success rate of any form of therapy - in one study, I read that less than 25% of those surveyed felt that marriage counseling had helped. A higher percentage felt that counseling had done more harm than good."
----他知晓了一个事实,在所有的治疗里,婚姻治疗的成功率是最低的.认为婚姻治疗有帮助的人低于25%,更高一点比率的人认为婚姻谘询坏处比益处大.
According to Dr. Harley, most marriage counseling is HAZARDOUS, not helpful to your marriage. Therapy-based American style marriage counseling (practiced by most marriage counselors) can actually do more HARM than good in your marriage.
----根据 Dr. Harley,大部分的婚姻谘询对你的婚姻其实是有害的,是危险的,给你婚姻带来的坏处大过好处.
Doherty talks about four ways that Marriage Counselors have produced DESTRUCTIVE outcomes in marriages, important, since Doherty's trains marriage counselors for a living.
Four ways marriage counselors do more HARM than good in marriages:
1) By being incompetent
2) By being neutral
3) By pathologizing (telling you why your marriage is ‘sick’)
4) By being overtly undermining (attempting to break up the marriage).
通过以下这四种方法,婚姻谘询顾问实际上是在损害你的婚姻:
1)顾问不合格,不胜任;
2)顾问扮演中立的角色;
3)告诉你,为什么你的婚姻是病态的;
4)试图让婚姻破裂.
Incompetent: In the case of incompetent marriage counselors, the counselor has not been trained to work with couples together. They believe that working with two people is an expanded version of working with one, but it is not.
An individual is easy to listen to, but a battling couple is not. Working with couples requires skill, structure and a very different approach than one-on-one therapy.
婚姻谘询顾问缺乏适当的培训....
Neutral: These marriage counselors, Doherty claims, are not neutral about marriage at all. When a counselor appears to be neutral, but actually takes sides with the more self-oriented spouse, they are undermining the marriage.
“When a counselor uses the language of individual self interests it under cuts the moral commitment that is owed to the marriage.” Doherty states.
婚姻谘询顾问试图扮演中立的角色,实际上却根本不中立.在工作中,和更自我中心的那一个配偶站在一边,这实际就是在破坏婚姻.......
Pathologizing: Pathologizing is when marriage counselors build a case insisting that the couple has a ‘sick’ relationship.
They actually ENCOURAGE couples to get a divorce.
当婚姻谘询顾问坚持这一对的婚姻是一种"病态"的婚姻时,他们实际上是在鼓励离魂.
They say things like, "Why should you hang in there? Why be a victim?”
他们会说这样的话: 为什么还呆在那个婚姻里?为什么要成为那个婚姻的牺牲品.
These marriage counselors make the couple believe that they are being abused, which causes both husband and wife to draw their only conclusion: “If the professional thinks this is over, then I should too.”
这样的婚姻谘询顾问让夫妻相信,他们是在相互虐待,使得夫妻不得不得出一个结论:如果专业人士都认为我们的婚姻应该结束,那我就让它结束吧.
Undermining: While telling couples what they should do is against the code of ethics of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, many therapists still do it.
婚姻谘询顾问告诉夫妻如何去做,是违背美国婚姻和家庭治疗协会的道德公约的.更多精彩文章及讨论，请光临枫下论坛 rolia.net